All By Myself.

Life's been confusing of late. Because I have to repeat the year at college, (did I mention that? Well I do. It sucks.) I'm not really sure how much I have to still do this year. I've sort of been avoiding going in because I feel like a failure when I'm there. I'm surrounded by people who are ace-ing the course and it just feels a bit pointless my being around them, wondering what the hell they're talking about. Somehow the three weeks I was away they seemed to learn the most out of the whole year, they're different people. It's good I'm repeating in that respect. Trying to catch up now would be a disaster. London really cleared my head, there's nothing like travelling, walking, eating, shopping and sleeping alone to give you time to reflect. Of course I missed my friends, sometimes with a physical ache in my stomach- especially when they had things happening in their lives that I should've been around for, but I realised when I came back that I kind of ran away from everything that wasn't going so well in my life, and nothing had changed when I returned. I guess it's better than last year- then I just got depressed and drank myself stupid, alone and pathetic. Having more of a passion for my course is still making me happy though, I'm getting more ideas and working on my confidence with my writing. The few friends who did buy the magazine I was involved in seemed pleasantly suprised by what I'd produced, which was a boost. Although I know they couldn't really say otherwise to me! I'm just promising myself I'll work harder and get rid of my defeatist attitude.
The other confusing thing is the people in my life; there was one or two people who I was convinced were gone from my life for good, friendship and relationship wise. Recently though they've made an effort to get back on speaking terms with me. I'm still cautious about letting people get too close to me. I learned a lot over the last year about how I want to be treated in my friendships and by men. It's safe to say I was a complete doormat, convinced that people could treat me how they wanted and if I took it and stayed nice they'd realise and change. I stopped that. I had a guy who -intentionally or unintentionally, I'd guess unintentionally- played with my emotions for a long time. Because of my shyness I never worked up the guts to tell him how I felt about him and because of this, I think he thought it didn't matter how he treated me because we were just friends. It took some good advice and a lot of support from friends to realise it was better than that. I took a break form him for a while and after some thinking I started to get over it. Now we're in contact probably more regularly than ever, and even if he's oblivious to how I felt about him before, I'm not going weak at the knees for him like last time. Still, he's a really cool guy and I enjoy his company immensely-I like having him to talk to. With regard to friendship, I don't really want to get into it, and I'm not sure why there's been a sudden change. Seemingly there's been a lot of self examination and maturing in my absence and I'm thrilled about it. Sadly, our friendship can never get back to how it was- too much has happened and I've forged such strong bonds with new friends I feel it could compromise that if I took a step backwards. I'm extremely glad that there isn't the bad feeling anymore and I don't have to feel apprehensive about going out when i'm home at college or avoid people I obviously know.
As i said, many changes in my life lately, and very confusing times. Now, on to the music:



I had a few ideas about what artists I wanted to dedicate this blog to, but I realised that I wanted to acknowledge the solo careers of some of the singers of my favourite bands.
I've been spoiled with acoustic and electro side projects from the likes of Tom Gabel, Matt Skiba, Brian Fallon, Chuck Ragan, Chris McCaughan, Chris Wollard and of course Dan Andriano. This is time-appropriate considering the upcoming Florida date with Dan, Tom and Brendan Kelly of The Lawrence Arms. I'd sell my right arm to be able to go to that show, but alas, it's too far away and I'm stone broke.
Tom Gabels solo EP "Heart Burns" got a sort of mixed reaction, and I guess that honestly I prefer the videos of the acoutic renditions of the songs to the recorded, more electro versions. Still, the message of the songs are the same and Tom produced a solid release to add to his amazing body of work which I'm sure he's rightfully proud of.
Dan Andriano is my favourite vocalist of all time, whether it's his work with Alkaline Trio or his solo split with Mike Felumlee, and Dan with an acoustic guitar is one of the most beautiful things in the world. His voice his like velvet, his lyrics are heartbreaking and his presence is always endearing. It's a goal of mine to get to one of his rare acoustic performances before I shed this mortal coil.
With regard to Chuck Ragan, I actually did the discovery backwards- I was a fan of Chuck's solo work before Hot Water Music, funnily enough. It was at the beginning of my acoustic phase and I couldnt get enough of the bearded, burly one. There isn't one of his songs that I'm tired of and his album "Bristle Ridge"with Austin Lucas is one of my most played of last year. "Do What You Do" is one of my favourite ever songs. Truely Astounding.
Newest to the game is Gaslight's Brian Fallon (Oh, BRIAN), who has had some tracks on his own Myspace for a while now. My favourite has to be "The Blues, Mary". Everything about this song, from the intro, the husky vocal and the lyrics to the "Amazing Grace" harmonies is absolutely perfect. I'll leave you with a video of the man himself performing it. Thanks for reading, and let me know if you have any recommendations for me.

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